I was active in faith as I knew it. I just could not accept Jesus as the son of God. I was quite open about that too. I also went through suddhi, but left before dîkshâ. I did maintain austere, to the best of my abilities, but generally prayed and "Mecca-ed" to places I felt a strong "energy". Maybe, it is being from Mississippi. In Mississippi, there are a number of large conclaves of "non-traditional" creeds, except Islam. I vividly remember encountering 3 Muslim gentleman when I was a young teen. They had pamphlets, and seemed troubled. I went up to them an express I too knew it was difficult to share the "good word" and "truth" (I was raised a JW) Their English was very weak. I took one of the thin pamphlets. Not much was communicated. I asked if they had a Quran. I had not heard of one before. They did not have one in English. It was a short encounter. I took the pamphlets and read it. I put it in the trunk of my car with my other books and such. The next Muslim was Bazod. He shared a very closed quartered housing in my first independent home. I did not know he was Muslim, but his ways was "marveled" at amongst those staying there. I know now he was Muslim. At that time I attempted to embrace JWs again. He would have been an influence during my late teens. Then as a young adult, Habeeb, He was totally embraced to Hedonism. He owned a casino and totally lived that life. He used to say often "what a life what a life all this without a wife." He was the one that pulled me away right before dîkshâ. Through I adored him. We could not come to terms on the decadence. He remained. I left. Before I left he would empress on me the need to "cloak" if I was to be austere and walk through the world. Thus began my double yet single life. Of course, this made soul conflicts, which lead me home that lead me to a battle that lead me to a war that lead me to lonely title that drove me away to another land to seek. Where I encountered another in cloak of a different tribe and same tribe, Mustafa. Forces separated us. That led to seek comfort in study that lead to here where I found a Quran in September 04 and accepted December 04. And all through that time. I did not know I all those people had been subjected to Islam, until after I accepted and saw.
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