The memories I have been jostled, shaken, and for the most part lost on the last adventure my soul took. I do not know much about any thing any longer. I wish for you not to have stress. Could it maybe a conditioning from viewing and reading for the propaganda machine? I have no real memories of Xmas, as I was raised in a fundamental Christian home that truly believed Xmas is a pagan holiday. So, all the stress that went with it, there was really none for me until I would go out from my home and deal with it at school. What I do remember is going out after the holidays and having a grand time shopping. Everything was on sale! I could get so much with my allowance! I remember passing long lines at the front counter at the store. New Year’s was the day! Celebration the way I love it lots of BIG fire works. I was born on the 4th of July so I have grown to so love loud boom and bright burst of energy. Moreover, New Years was another fire works day. Plus it was the shot gun day. At midnight Boom Booom you could hear it all around. Good time of year it was for me as a kid. The only part I remember being stressful was at school because I was not allowed to participate in the Xmas play, you know because it was pagan. Sometimes there would be a Jewish kid in school too and it would not be so dull... However, in most part I have no memory of stress and Xmas. ....
When I grew up and was on my own. I was austere... I always worked the actually holiday of Xmas... knowing there would be some souls that did not have families to go to I encouraged those that had no family to stay and work at the clubs. A feast was always important to me for this day. We ate well and for that day was a simple happy gathering. I did not mind performing on those days. The crowd was always small and very attached toward one another... After I left that in search of ... well, God only knows what and before I got sick, I had 2 Xmas in my new home. Both years was quite over the top, with some veterans. The boys, both years, fell in to my lovely trees in rough housing the likes that would leave the shy and timid running for the hills. After they finished I would patch up the wounds, this was real rough housing not just goofing off. Leaning against the wall, they would start talking about the wars and other stuff that goes through veterans’ minds during Xmas.......... Then I got sick... For a long time I was gravely ill... Not much I remember during those years.....
In Dec 04 is when I returned. 04 I recovered prayer beads from some stranger. I was still very weak and ill and it was a trying time. I did gain a new person to my list of few friends. A new adult lost their Mom that year and did not have much of a real family. Though as sick as I still was, I was not as much of help in the wisdom department. I set luck for my new friend where I could and parted ways.
Then, during 05 Nothing shines... Thanks to God, I had a lifetime of being austere so I was comfortable with solitude. I was still very weak and fragile. I managed and got through to this year. 06 I know now why in my journals I had written so often "Kindness is an option fairness is not" This winter holiday, well, fasting and solitude is my choice. I will go out for provisions, but not willingly. I have grown.... I do not know the word...People, I do not know... or crowds... well... I am not so sure of my self there ... I am still learning...
I would like to see fireworks on the New Years. I remember how very incredible amazing they are from my birthday last July.